Well here we have a selection pack of pics, some trawled from my mobile archives and some....not.
First up, my fantastic eldest daughter Hannah on the left with my ace mate and complete party nutter Alexis.....actually that also describes Hannah. Taken at my going away finally you fat bastard and don't come back ever party in the Love Lounge at the Bell in August. Wicked night, great DJ's with surprise live set from Oedipus. Thanks lads ( and Shorn ) ( and Dj's ).

Next an Eisensteinian Montage second only to The Odessa Steps sequence.....Radders's 40th at the Ring o'. Must be about 15 years ago eh Radders?? I think Jamie may have snook these. Don't forget you can click on these and they become four times bigger than life itself.

This is to make up for my exposing Murph to ridicule in the previous post....me in my psychedelic band period......as always, the question "what went wrong?" springs to mind.......and later in fathering mode with Hann when a little younger (tho' already quite a party babe!)......
OK....a little further down the line brings me to Grandfathering mode....Here are my brilliant younger daughter Ruby and her kids...Jayden above Hannah and Cole below......their Dad Stuart at the back, and Hannah's boyf Bono in the fore..... all outside my most excellent and long suffering mate Toby's house in Batheaston where I had free reign for several weeks before running off.....nice one Tobes! Has all my family moved out yet??
......now pic of the house whence I am at the mo'......here the pool, which surprisingly is being cleaned just prior to my arrival by Mr. Ian Wood. Thanks Ian.....missed a bit.
.....and a long shot...quite nice isn't it.....I'm actually in one of the guest houses this side of pool.....
.....which you can see on the right....I started off in a small apartment on the left there but the big one was deemed easier with a broken fucking leg....hahahahahahahha......and it is......
.........and now perhaps some email excerpts......thin on the ground lately as not much has happened and connection was out for a week......

........oh yeh, had drive out with fabino yesto....went all over to bits I didn't get to before leg debacle.....went to Itauna...the trendy more expensive surfing area othet side of the ocean access to the lagoons......really stunning.....no real centre as in a town, but a definate central area of happening by the beach with bars and tiny surf and clothing shops.....roads asphalted and loads of greenery and very quaint and lovely......I'd prefer to live there but awful when busy I expect and quite a lot more expensive for houses.....maybe later after buying and selling one or two.....housing ladder and all that....I'll see it in season first.....season is very short, jan and feb then hot weekends rest of the year....
anyway blablabla.....

......the following written to friend who gave me going away prezzie of fold up tiny travel towel....

....I realised recently you weren't on my mailout list and I had fucked up.......was about to email you last week but my comms broke down.....I wanted to write and tell you how I was held up by gangstas in Gaza (as they call it) in Rio in Fabino's car and he and another guy were badly beaten and I escaped harm because I disguised myself WITH THE BLUE TOWEL YOU GAVE ME as THE BLUE TOWEL YOU GAVE ME......but I can't, because it didn't happen. Well, I can, because I just did, but it still didn't happen. However I did dry myself with it a couple of times, which is probably more what you had in mind anyway. So thanks!!
Hope you are well and groovy......here is cool tho' I am close to dulled out of my mind now and again, but 3 weeks of my sentence is gone and only a bit more 'til I get crutches (mmmmmmm Brasilian crutches...can't wait to get my hands on 'em I used to think.....little did I know back then.........)

......re incapacitation....

..........Still uncapatualated and just had a week without internet connectivification so aquired Brasilian TV aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh sexisms quite fun isn't it when you get used to it.........I still went oh my god at every bum shot but I learned to live with it. Have been bored to fuck but at least I've got me health. Been out of the house in car 4 times in 3 weeks which is nice.....clinic, someones fab house, supermarket and all over the place yesterday.....which was nice.
Supermarket was interesting....my pal Fabino trying to push me in mini wheel wheelchair and shopping trolley at same time whilst doing the shopping.....I had a cunning plan tho'......place trolley at various strategic points and fill and empty a basket on my lap.....he was quite impressed I think. Hurrah! O Successo!
Must dash and cook some exotic steamed veg and brown rice and fish.....the fish isn't brown. The rice is . Brown. Can't get anyone here to even taste it!! Much like England! (No I don't)..........
....................lots of love from Nashface aka The Shortsighted Mister Lagoo

......Re mosquitoes, fly spray etc.....

.......Chemical warfare has been tested and is effective, particularly emotionally. Actually got one feeding on my momentarily exposed broken limb today......gave it a good fucking wack and near went thru the roof.....got the bastard though. Satisfying but painful. Last Supper was the same for him I expect.
Also apply lime juice liberally to exposed bits around 5 each nite.....that keeps em off....til you do some washing up or whatever. Bastards.
.............must dash, well roll, and eat.

......re ditto....

Hello Blossomtoes!!! No,the War continues...... just got one of the bastards in the bog......another was sat waiting on the bogroll to shoot up my arse I expect....didn't get him tho. It's getting like my skinhead fighting days.....you know where they live, what their names are, and you even know who their girlfriends are and try to shag them just to fuck them off! (ok I haven't tried to shag a mosquito's girlfriend yet, though there is one I've had my eye on......) (Must try to get out more. ED.)

......re link to pilot for Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers Movie etc from Andy Davis (whot him and Leon are doing the music for).......which is.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YINWUjFQRDU

....check it out, it's excellent....

....love the movie and the track and the site....in fact, I love you ......... ".....NOWWWWW AT LAST III'VE FOOOUUUND YOOOOOOO! ..." .................Breaks into massed Busby Berkeley Style Wheelchair Number with a Latin flavour....at this particular moment that would be spaghetti bolognese......i am literally eating it as I "type"...I can hear a voice saying reprimandingly ".......thats not how you type "type"...." the voice is that of my mother........still.

.......and for some reason I wrote this to a person......

......I am a bit bored with houseboundedness.....might have crutches next week....spect theyre shit as well.....

still, at least I've got me health

still, could be worse, could be raining

still,there but for the grace of god....

still, every cloud has a silvery, erm, thing, in it

still, many a mackle macks a muckle

still, where theres muck, there's brass

anyway, the joke is that this horse and this duck go into a Sayings Shop and the horse orders all the above Sayings from a Sayings Catalogue but when it comes to paying he becomes reticent, and, knowing that the duck is a regular customer, and therefore has an account, persuades the duck to add them to his account, assuring him that he will reimburse him at a later date.

so, does that make all the above sayings duck billed platitudes?

...or not?

I realised that as most of my viewers are British, to avoid losing their attention, I should include two very important things, both held dearer than dear by those in the UK.....the first being a bar......yes, not only a sunken bar by the pool, but sunken bar stools in the pool. This is where I'm staying!! Really...they let me stay here!
The other, of course is doggy woggys. Below a shot of my constant companions who, when the pic was taken some weeks ago, still adhered to the house rules of barely crossing the line into the house...now they wander freely into my pad and even get on the sofa occasionally.....all this to the abject horror of any nearby Brasilians, who shout at them and at me......I just smile, open my arms in self excuse, and say "sou Ingles"....."I'm Inglish"............
Suzee on the right and Blackee on the left (obviously)......emphasis on the italics (obviously)........

BELOW WE BEGIN A NEW SECTION CALLED "READERS SNAPSHOTS"......AKA "THE BASTARD WENT AND POSTED THEM......."
hahahhhahahahha YES, I DID..........

Well I'm afraid that this is a prime example of what happens if you make the mammoth mistake of sending me pix when I'm stuck in a wheelchair with nothing to post about but mosquitoes. Sorry Murph. For everything. And for posting the pix.
Andrew is here seen at a fitting for a starring role as a musician in the days of yore, in a big Hollywood movie about somebody called Anne going Bowlin' and giving head to someone called Henry on the fifth.....sounds more like golf to me......though what do I know....I'm a tennis man myself....

The film apparently also stars the gentleman below, which would explain why they're dressing Andrew and the other boys in such ill fitting and baggy trousers......leaving as much room as possible for "gentlemens' improvement". I'm trying to be polite here........
I'm not sure I can follow that.....going back to the mosquitoes seems somehow.........shit.

To the Ortho Clinic on Wednesday.....mebbe on to crutches hurrah.....

Yesterday I became a fully fledged estate agent......I put Uli's small lagoonside condo onto a couple of real estate websites for sale....he's in Germany for some time and asked me to sell it for him....how strange is that.....very. Here they are. It's the one I wrote blurb for previously for Uli's site. But this time I paid for the ads and wrote it and put non-wiggly lines on pix and everything. I'm so proud.

http://www.viviun.com/AD-64494/

http://realestate.escapeartist.com/P-2004096/

Finally manage to escape from the fucking house and into the jungle......at last a respite from Brasilian TV......bring on the empty snakes and spiders......


.....aaaaaargh DAS BOOT.....oh no, this is the other,er, not das boot....shapely calf though.........


oh, ok, aaaaaaaaaaarghhh DAS BOOT......
rather lost the impact I was hoping for.....but I'm fucked if I'm gonna upload them again in the right order.......


........impression of Shorn Rah???
.......or is it THE ARISTOCRATS punchline..dah dahhhh.......
.......No, actually, it's me.

PLEASE NOTE THAT JUST BY CLICKING YOU CAN MAKE ANY OF THESE PICTURES INTO A HANDY FOLD UP WALL POSTER..... ok well, a bit bigger anyway....
..........and honestly, there will be some NEW CONTENT soon.......really there will, I mean, would I lie to you of all people mother ???

WOW .....just scored a wicked mosquito kill.....first time I've got one on the suck.....he was sucking from my all too briefly exposed broken leg as I wacked him....on my broken leg....that actually hurt quite a lot, but I got the fucker....blood everywhere.....well, a tiny drop spread everywhere....by mosquito standards.....anyway, me one, mosquitos NIL......

At last, maybe some pix.....blurb below is only email teaser I sent out...new " content " shortly....
Takenby Hannah moments before vacating Bath flat....receiving timely call from Natwest Offshore Division 3 months after first asking them for help procuring an income from my house sale whilst heading to Brasil.....they have to date procured me less than half a percent on my capital....Im now with an Indian bank.T hanks Natwest, from a customer of 30 years standing. And falling about a bit sometimes.....

Forcing Barbara to smile for camera....my birthday dins last week....

.....Julia and I both adore Daniel.....that's my mum Maria on the left....Daniel's birthday too......hurrah for us........!!!!!!!!!!!

....a Brasilian Birthday tradition I didn't previously know about......

......my dieting is proceeding at quite a pace.....


...........so what's been going on?......where is lagoonboy?.....has he broken yet another leg?
.......how many are left?......how many are right?.......why doesn't he write? .........why doesn't he phone?.........why doesn't he ermm, blog?.........why did he use that as a verb?......why doesn't he use a form other than the interrogative?.......why won't this stop?......why don't I know?
........questions questions questions.....but then again, who amongst us, at one time or another, hasn't also found oneself buried under the weight of so many, many questions?......I know I has (have?)......but then isn't being buried under the weight of so many, many questions just a little like life itself........and isn't life itself so very, very full of so many, many questions?.......for example, is this still me writing?........it doesn't sound like me still writing, but then again does it?

Look, all I'm trying to say is that my comms have been down since last thursday......they are back, aaah, up now.
We now have a new super dooper service provider which, as I write this, collectively as one whole service provider is rushing back to it's hi-tech business premises, to put the finishing touches to the connection, which involves, apparently, drying off the lead and the plug as it's been raining ( yes, here in the tropics) and his (alright, it's just some bloke) bedroom roof has leaked onto the connection. On the spot online maintenance on the hottest bet ISP-wise in this whole region....this firm is the shit, the bollox of the actual dog that had the bollox in the first place. I'm saying this bloke is good....and he's even better with a towel.

..........as for what's been happening.....not much.....i've been in this fucking small house alone on wheels for 3 weeks tomorrow.....left the building in a car for the 4th time in 3 weeks today.....very exciting......have watched tv Brazilian style for a week due to no internet connection.....I can now shout phrases that I have no concept of the meaning of(?) in the manner of a big fat pig of a man with loads of exquisite bikini clad ladies gyrating in the background......there are at least 6 of these people, each on every day at peak times.....I don't know what they are for......why are they all massive?....were they massive before?....is that how they got the job?....who makes their clothes?......what are the programmes about?.....why don't i get it?.......why does it matter so much to me?......are there any vacancies?.....could I just about muster that up?.......what are the hours?.......

I will attempt yet again to put some birthday party pix on the blog......the address of which as if you both didn't already know.......sorry mum, forgot about dad.....just for you then, in case you forgot, or threw it away by mistake.......or, you haven't got a computer......you could go round then......nice to have a little break, get yourself out of yourself for a bit, isn't it, mmmm, nice.........

.....JUST SNEAKING A BIT IN HERE TO SAY THAT I'M NOW TRYING TO PUT SOME PIX UP.....HAVE BEEN OFFLINE FOR A WEEK DUE TO ISP PROBLEMS BUT NOW HAVE NEW ONE AND IT APPEARS TO WORK.....PIX ARE OF MY BIRTHDAY DIN DINS LAST WEEK FEATURING MY MUM MARIA AND FAMILY......

........so here we are then......a period of transition.....unfortunately not for me......limited communications, spectacular real estate, nearly hurt my leg, (again), ( actually,
bollox, I did ) and in an unprecedented escalation in the War with the Mosquito collateral damage rises to unforeseen and horrific levels......

(oh and happy birthday to me ,happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me,ee, happy birthday to me.

Monday.

Fifty three.

Actually, mebbe best forget that.

Hurrah, I'm 53, lets go clubbing.......pull some chicks....neck some pills.......

No. Forget the whole thing. At least I still have my dignity.)

...........Afraid my comms have been down almost continuously for 3 days......I guess that deserves a fnaar fnaar....they're upgrading the antennae along the coast apparently.....the signal gets bounced from one to another I guess from Rio.....it seems to have been shit since I did my leg conveniently.......

.......re birthday prezzies......better be something for the living room this time round.....doesn't matter what it is , as long as it's fucking ENORMOUS.......THATS THE GREAT ADVANTAGE OF AN ENORMOUS 150 SQUARE METRE OPEN PLAN LIVING ROOM....IT MEANS YOU CAN REALLY SHOW OFF ALL YOUR STUFF........like my pen, and my tiny notebook and my tiny Poruguese phrase book and my ermmm mini pocket clock and my erm....,my nail clippers, oh no, they wouldn't let me bring them......well, I've got some chilli sauce, and an onion......and I could keep the pot the tomato puree came in and use it as a glass.....in fact I think they proobably want you to.......why do they??

.......and no, I haven't told Maria about the War of the Mosquito, nor of it's unavoidable collateral damage (her guest house bathroom).besides , women have no place in a war zone, and that intelligence is available on a need to know basis only.......in fact intelligence doesn't come into it and it's not available to anyone anyhow. And that's it. Anyway.

........so since I spok wichoo last......ermmmm.....Marco and Ornella, he's actually Hebridean, that's isles off Scotland, no wonder I didn't quite get the accent!!, and she Italian.....he was the guy I talked to re. visas....they arranged to take me out to their house yesterday....turns out it's opposite Uli's little condo.......turns out it's the bit of land I'd looked across the water at and thought wow wonder what dat is over dere??!!

........hard to describe something thats so beautiful its indescribable......the plot is 5,000 sq mts, waters edge but for 2 metre lagoon beach, row of wide spaced big palms, then 30 metres back, the house....beautiful....they designed and ran the building of it themselves in 3 or 4 months nov to feb or march ish this year, lots of nice details like the balustrades similar, prob the same as the ones round Uli's pool at the big house, just at the corners of the varanda with lovely chunks of marble on.....apparently each balustrade costs £1.50 !!

..............The living room is big and open plan by Brasilian standards, with large-ish windows looking out front....I would've done one big one as out front does not describe the view.....Mombaca, Uli's mountain has spectacular views, but this is something beyond altogether....it's honestly like it's been composed by a great artist for the opening of the greatest movie ever made......I watched it spellbound for 3 hours, as it changed continuously up to and through the sunset......unbelievable......Its like someone took a giant canvas, drew perspective lines and went to work, giving every one of the layers the perfect composition......I said to Marco that it was the most beautiful place I'd ever sat in my life....true.......and then bring in the lighting man and make each layer a bit different every few minutes.....at one stage the lagoon was gold......and the pointiest mountain is exactly in the middle.....and the sun sets behind it....not in the centre of course, that woul be crass, no just off to the right!.......it's actually hurting that I can't show it to you!!!!

...............they have a very funky open plan kitchen, the only one in Brazil we think!........(brasilians seem on the whole pretty conservative as far as houses go......those that've got one, that is!) .......as you look in, you can't see cupboards or fridge, just a big room with a big island in the middle back to the far wall covered in deep black marble, with sink on one side and hob on the other and thats it...fridge etc are kind of to the sides and behind you....you can see them from back of kitchen but not as you look into it.....

........they said Brasilians come in and look in the kitchen and go ".....so where is it???"............brazilians judge houses by (preferably large) number of bedrooms which must be en suite, regardless that the en suite bathroom is about the same size as your arse, ok, my arse....don't care about a view, and must have a barby. They're not too bothered about how nice, how spacious, how stylish, how functional......and kitchens are tucked away and separate from the social goings on, dark, unventilated, very poorly designed and equipped....why?...because they all have poor fucking cooks!!

...........the amazing handmade sofas which they designed, are made out of hardwood and before cushions cost £125 each craftsman made......the coffee table, 4x4 foot inch thick marble plus + shaped wooden base cost about £35 to have made....the beds are handmade steel kind of spanish cathedral shaped....they're brilliant.....they designed 'em and had 'em made......every thing in here was designed and handmade by craftsmen for fuck all.....Marco reckoned stuff handmade is half cost in shops here for similar ish stuff and 4 times less than UK.......I'd say keep counting......so the whole house, land purchase, two bedrooms, big bathrooms, furniture, marble and tiles everywhere, oh and a roof terrace over the whole house where apparently the real view is ?!?!?!?!?!? etc, oh and a guest house..... cost........£65,000.......if this was Florida, it wouldn't be as nice and it would be a several million somethings.....

.........course I should point out I've been stuck in a small house alone with a wheelchair for 10 days so mebbe it's shit and it was just me not getting out much............awwww cummon i aint da count of monte cristo....no it really was quite nice, well ok apart from the view which I found rather dull..........oh I forgot to mention that because the lagoon is mostly so shallow, every now and again you espy a distant fishing person up to their knees or thighs, standing right in the middle of the masive lagoon.....as I said....look it's jesus with short legs............

....my other 2 mums, Debora and Sonja have just whirlwinded me and the house.....clean everything inc. tablecloth and flowers.....earlier they schlepped me up to the outdoor kitchen ( i went up the steps on my bum to save them killing themselves up the slope) for an excellent lunch......I'm eating a lot less, and very well......gradually swapping main meal of the day from dins to lunch.....all this important partic while inactive, but also better after too.....can work off a lunch but not usually dins.....taking less insulin most of the time too......soon I will be very pretty..........don't know what my weight is but must weigh less....I feel quite different......my arm joints are much better since here, can reach up full height and behind me without shouting!!


...........Apparently the reason this area is a bit less than it should be is because the mayor has stolen most of the money here for the last 3 electionsworths.....he started as mayor with nowt and is now a millionaire......he pays local poor 10 reais for a vote, and flies round in a helicoptor, and as I suggested to them, everyone looks up from their poverty and goes" ....oh look, we must be doing well......" I think that sums up Brazil in general. Scum, a lot of them elected, stealing from the people, and then when spotted flaunting the proceeds, the the poor victims go "ooooh things are looking good for us then.....what a great country we have where a man can do so well for himself....."
Just like in the UK only not as subtle, but we poor dumb bastards still lap it up, generation after generation.
..........Marco & Ornella's daughter calls Saquarema the state of Saquarema.....it's like a small country and this scumbag is the king of it all.

.........also interestingly they ( Marco and Ornella ) were going to buy the tennis club last year when it first came up.....the owner bumped the price on them at the last minute so they pulled out.....Marco described their plans for it.....some cutting in to the main space but quite nice....breaking up levels and ting.....similar island kitchen in main space to mine.....only my idea has two counters so you can operate towards garden or towards interior and not right in middle it so it doesnt dominate so much....nice plan, but prefer mine.....however it brought up several issues to consider which I hadn't. Which is nice.

.............Very hot and sweaty today.......need clean clothes and another shower.....shower is much hassle with leg but I'm getting quicker at it......yesterday hurt my leg when being wheeled out of house here....one big step down and I realised I'd lost it so I leapt for it and put weight on bad leg heel, boot heel actually.....momentarily til I realised and moved weight to good leggy......later leg hurt, not on break but in meaty bit at back of calf......hurt more and more and in restaurant later it was getting a bit rough.....my main worry was that Mum would give me a bollocking!!!! Not to mention the other two Mums. Got back and took das boot off, and decided that the meat of the calf had been wrenched by the boot heel taking a bang, but break was fine......so wore my dvt sock (thanks for that!!) and hoped support would rest the meat for the night......this a.m. leg was fine ( apart from it's broken obviously)......look mum, I'm a doctor and everything..........I told Debora earlier and said don't tell Maria....but I told her anyway......hard work when she's exploding and pulling horror faces at me !!!!!
........btw Sonja sends you big kisses!!!

.......waiting for Maria to go Supermarketski.......big outing for me......although already have my dins......leftovers from restaurant....Marco got a bit carried away!! ........we realised during meal, well the first part, that we were eating fish and chips Brazilian style....bite sized various bits of fish done gently in a light batter with a big bowl of Braz style tartare sauce and chips......communal on a big tray with limes ........I couldn't stop thinking Hannah would, no , will love this.....same at their house looking at the view.....and sauces including English sauce.....worcestershire of course.......... Change of plan....supermarket tomorrow at 8 am instead.....stil trying to get batteries for pix and a shave!! I look like some shaggy old foreigner stranded in a foreign country with a broken leg! hmmmmmmmmmm?


.....well must dash....can't send this but will when I can.......
lots of love from daddypoliticallactiveagainnearlybutpleasedontshootmecozIdidntreallymeanitandcouldhaveagoonyourchoppercuzI'vebrokenmylegonyourunsurfacedroadyoucunt?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


On a lighter note....the other day I sat down a bit heavy on the bog due to difficuties of manoevring broken leg and made it wobbly, cistern was half off but I hooked it back on ok.....well ok, you asked about the war against the mosquito......I was sat having a poo this a.m. and spotted a big one.....moz not poo........so I grabbed the bum squirter....I prefer bum gun......and took aim above allowing for reaction and water weight, and got the bastard.....down he went .....drowning on the floor...but I knew the little shit would dry off and survive to fight another day so I looked for a secondary finishing off weapon and grabbed my water bottle....
..........bang bang bang I banged...hahahah the bastrds aaaargwater tumbling plastic cisterns pipes shit water everywhere broken leg slippery aaarg wet tiles i'm soaked by whole fucking plumbing system landing on my head and all about me.......
.........so I'm stood with pooey bum, trousers drenched and down, broken leg boot soaked, bathroom in an inch of water, plumbing everywhere and still gurgling out of cistern at my feet, laughing cos I fuking got the bastard!hahahahhahahahahhaha
........so I manage to put plumbing back together and hook cistern on the wall again and all is well if rather wet......sit down to finish off "the job"......finish and wipe with lumps of drenched bog roll......move forward to stand up....all this with broken fucking leg mind, and whole thing starts again, worse this time cos cistern is exploding pumped water out......I've got it in my arms off the floor while it pumps gouts of water all over me and the bathroom.....I attempt to put it all back together but this time its all wrenched out of the wall and is completely fucked.....I make my escape.......
"Maria, tenho um pequeno problemo com o banheiro" I shout from my doorway.
Best I don't tell her about the mosquito.
But what if they find the body?
In the distance I'm sure I hear the sneering laughter of a billion tiny insects.

........well thats my morning so far....did you get the stevealligator gif??
.......re estate agenting....any marketing ideas or people with money who might like to buy??
..................must go have brekky......Arlindo and Fabino busy working away in the bathroom......if they only knew!!?
.........Maria just told me there's a slight problem.....no toilet 'til tomorrow as cement won't be dry.....I indicated a bucket....she laughed. Or was it those tiny fuckers again?

..............I mean I know this may all seem ridiculous or pathetic or even amusing.....but it really is my life!

................lots of love from DaddyWildManKillerof ermm quitebig,ok,physicallyadmittedlytinybutverydangerousinsects.



Hya ###### baby....thats a nice surprise!!.........yep, the big wide world is exciting and dangerous, but I wouldn't wanna live there....
.........weather here crap too, as is food, company, beer, ents, comms and all.....I just happen to like it like that.....lucky that!!
......I feel great.....broke leg doesn't seem to have daunted me much....or mebbe I'm used to being a bit fucked....it just turns into the washing up if your head is up........
.....so,ready for a gig in my tennis club?? well ok, my house!
...my daughter already asked if she could run the club for me....what do people think of me.?...don't they trust me?....it's a house....that's all....just a house....it just has a floor the size of a disco.....and a mezzanine the previous owner put dj's up on , erm, when he ran discos......but thats then, and this is now.....it's my living room honest....
honest.......love,Nash XXXXXXXX

More Extracts for your delectation and something else beginning with de.........

This is the link for Uli's small condo on the lagoon here....referred to below, over and over and over again....

http://www.brasilinda.com/saquarema/imoveis/en/26802%20casalagoa.htm

and so the drivel begins...........

.............Managed a shower last night with some dexterity and tribulation but I was getting very sticky and the night was very sticky also.......went ortho clinic today and had an x-ray (£10 mind).....doc said it was on the mend....pics show perfect alignment from side and near perfect from front.....I said dancing soon then ....he laughed and said mebbe 6 months....foreign cunt.
.......today blazing 84 without the sticky hurrah.
.....wrote a song and performed it for the assembled populace.....I'd like to do it for you now......but first, as I mentioned, a song......
.......goes something like this;

FELIZ ANNIVERSARIO DA PERNA QUEBRADA A VOCE!
FELIZ ANNIVERSARIO DA PERNA QUEBRADA A VOCE!
FELIZ ANNIVERSARIO DA PERNA QUEBRADA A PAUL!
FELIZ ANNIVERSARIO DA PERNA QUEBRADA A VOCE!

..........went down very well.
Night Night from El Nasho, the fastest broken leg man in the vest. XXXXXXXXXXXX


......just had a gruelling but fun 2 hour portugues/ingles intensive with Maria's eldest Julia and Daniel.....very productive....we're gonna do twice a week as well as casual stuff we've been doing.
I think I just became an estate agent....no really. Uli phoned from Suisse and said if I want to try and sell his small condo bizness here, I can have proper commission. EEEK! I really didn't expect that to happen!!

.......Nice to hear from you....I do seem to have fucked right off somewhat!
I'll stick you down my comms if I may....also have a blog site (?*!).......which at mo is just extracts from emails written to people who've been in touch....I dare say in time it may become more sofitsi....soofitsee, sofroststi, sofustarski, sohutchikaati, sofifialunacatoato, sofarsetike, sfaarsogutsikati....ted....bollo.....you know.....bearable.
D'you know, one of my first disappointments with computers was that there isn't (is there?) a " putting a line through it but leaving it in " button, so you can do crossed-out-version jokes.....I used to use a lot wen i hav a pen stil.

.......tin church stunt sounds wicked if hair raising,,,,,nothing wrong with that mind!!!Actually already had full description on Sunday about 6pm via skype from, I think, Caron Elgy!
News Travels.....and one thing you should know about it, is that sometimes it travels fast. News does.
........just bin to docs and break is mending already ( sounds like my dad already)......something about knitting nicely......foreign twat......I know it's nice,
very nice, but it's actually crochet...........
.............lots of love from Nashypernaquebrada XXXXXXXXXXX


.....just got back from clinic.....only hour and a half wait this time and the place was empty! .......had nother xray and i'm already on the mend!!
.........hurrah.....hurrah for Maria and co really!! side view knitted perfectly, front view just a tiny kink....I said to doctor ...dancing soon then....he laughed and said..,,,, "in 6 months....!!"
........bastard doctors, whadda they know.....(not very much actually.....)
........blazing hot day here ....84 on the clock (widget actually!).....last night very humid......finally got my clothes from errant Debora....realised I'd only had one clean t shirt and no shower and barely any washes and no flannel since last tuesday.....and its hot and sweaty and I'm stuck in a closed house at night contra mosquitos.....eeeeuuuuwww.....so managed a shower with a plastic chair in the cubicle and much careful planning.....still managed to put my foot on wet tiles, slip slightly and then go oh wet tiles are slippery......I am "the absent minded professor" arent I.....only the economy version.....missed out the professor bit.....so I'm just "a stupid bloke". Excellent. Glad I've got that sorted and off my chest. At least I've still got my dignity.

........thanks for asking.........my poo poo was ok but precarious ....I think I've near destroyed the bog.....came down a bit heavy on it last night.....its now v.wobbly, and plastic cistern is dangling at an angle above my head.....also broken off cupboard handle with wheelchair and left smudge marks all over house where my war with the mosquito continues.....got two this a.m. in the shower cubicle with my new weapon....the bum spray.....bastards.....oh, I already broke the extension squirter off the shower whilst massacring mosquitos....mais c'est la guerre, toujours la guerrre! Vive la Guerre!

Of course I realise that given a period of confinement such as this, for example, one could be prone to bouts of obsessiveness......and that one could damage oneself permanently whilst on purely a fool's errand.....after all recovery from a serious wound comes before taking out ones frustrations elsewhere at severe personal risk......
So I had a quiet word with myself.....and now I'm developing weapons of mass destruction. I got caught trying to kill them with my anti inflammatory spray.....all it did was give me a sore throat for 2 days.......but now what I need is hairspray and a lighter......or perhaps, there must be a spray glue of some kind....there has to be a way......when I'm fit I shall track them to their lair, probably hidden inside a volcano on a small uncharted island......I shall raise an army of right thinking gorillas (sic) and we shall storm the island, destroy it and it's evil inhabitants, thereby saving the entire planet from extinction, or at least, mosquitos.
WELL, glad I got that off my chest.
.................anyway, bye bye then.....lots of love nashymosquitoguerilla XXXXX

.......haven't got cabin fever yet....worst thing is discomfort of keeping leg up level with my arse all the time.....but I have several different "stations" which I alternate between, from rocking chairs on varanda to leg up on the bin in the kitch when cooking!! I can watch a bit of tv or run dvds (only limited selection mind!!)......and I have MPB FM on literally 24/7....hate that phrase ( its more of a term....euphemism.....no...oh bollo).........then theres sitting at the computer, or lying near the puter, or sitting up on sette with puter on my lap......oh the variety, and theres always the chance of finding a new "station" of course. Actually stayed up til 1 last nite cos I was busy fucking about! God my desktop and all files are near immaculate....name a subject go on......I've even copied items into more than 1 location for conciseness.....trouble is theres no mysterya any more.....i've been thro everything and know what it is or dumped it......might go thro the bin one more time eh???!!
BTW if you wanna hear MPB FM you can get it online here:

http://www.softpedia.com/get/Windows-Widgets/Audio-Widget/90-3-Brazilian-Popular-Music-MPB-FM.shtml

...........to play it you have to download a yahoo widget which you can do from there.....some of the other widgets are good....nice clock for desktop and a really good weather thing for desktop....easy to change locations on it. MPBFM is musica popular do brazil.....i guess its a little light (don't be put off straight away !), but theres some brilliant stuff....some is mad and would sell really well in uk i'm sure.

....just got coffee delivered.....Debora is back!
...........oh yeh just to be topical....steve alligator man dead by stingray......ok I turned on braz tv and theres a kind of dangerous gameshow competition program on with a beauty immersing erself unwillingly in a pool with rays....live on tv....with 2 presenters talking her into it....huh? and then I flip channels and its stevealligator in a movie wrestling alligators...huh????
.....and then i remember today is 9/11 and that the other day ( when I used to go out) I saw an internet caff called Ground Zero !!!! I'll bet it's busy in there today!!?

......I'd been thinkin about trying to get a collection going in the pub for the tiny medical clinic at Mombaca (pronounced Mombassa.... the c has a cedilla but my puter doesnt).....village next to Uli's mountain.....he's fundraising in Europe at the mo for it amongst (many) other things.....whaddya reckon.....could even get stuff in chron and venue ....it'd be just like being at "home".....asshole journos and appalling mis quotes.....Chronicleeze as I used to call it......in fact I used to start interviews talking about it and then wait for more to churn out.....marvelous!
........just to rub salt in the (literal )wound Saquarema has a festival going on fri til today.....fireworks....actually sporadic explosions.........distant and not so distant music and row.....samba drumming( the real stuff!!).......people having fun.....bastards.....they'll probably have next years Rio Carnaval brought up-calender to this week and moved specially to just outside my wall where I cant see it just to piss me off! .......well at least I'm not bitter. At least I still have my dignity......at least, I know I packed it......
. love from Nashershortwheelwheelchairboy.......and to all at the pub!!!!! XXXXXXX

OK, I KNOW I SAID I NEEDED A BREAK BUT.......

.......oh and a heartfelt plea......please email about any old shit so I don't go mad with boredom......I will reply with my usual wit and waggishness, and as always, more than a touch of grace and dignity......

.....emailed this to Steve S the other night (as you can tell, he arranged my insurance for me, bless him!!!!)

Hello there, thats better......I likes to be bold....well, anyway, remember that insurance policy, well I just might have some work for it!! No, not a tennis elbowing accident neither.
Tuesday I fell over on slimey pavement after much rain and avoiding of road lagoons as I call them and busted my thin leg bone above the ankle....I'm now wearing one of Shorns boots....i asked for another but they would only give me one.....foreigners. No idea about style. Can't even spell an English word like chic.
I guess insurance-wise it is connected to the diabetes as I was nipping out to buy bread, but beyond that not! Day before I walked 6 km's in pissing rain on main road amidst similar stuff and worse....just an unlucky or misjudged moment I guess.
Any road up, I'm being looked after amazingly......hospital had me x-rayed, and plastered in 60 minutes from arrival.....free hospital in 3rd world country....amazing....then Maria my host thought I should see orthopedic surgeon so went to private clinic....he x-rayed again with joint under pressure.....ouch.....said normally it would take surgery, but as ligament still attached and break still aligned, and also due to problems healing with diabetes, he would put me in Das Boot and see how I get on. Back to see him again Monday. As long as I keep weight off it (what weight), should heal ok.
Maria does me with boot off with anti-inflam. spray and ice pack 3 times a day plus other meds. She and Fabino spent whole day sorting me in hosp and clinic and shit then moved me into bigger house next door where it'll be easier to cope on one leggyweg. Bless them ...no really!
Oh the fun!!!! Didn't think my holiday photos would be x-rays!!
Costs so far are minimal.....hospital free if a bit basic! Clinic about 60 quid, not sure if that includes follow up ornot, and of course there might be further treatment. Meds about 20 quid so far. I have or will ahve reciepts. If covered super, if not....almost super.
........Not in any urgency at all for the cash if any....still barely managed to spend anything here. When I checked a few days ago I was running at 50 quid a week over accomodation costs. And thats trying to be extravagant.....chipping in for restaurants and getting pissed and buying cds and shopping for prawns and steak and whole cheeses and slabsof beer and all sorts. It's just so cheap here! They have amazing por kilo restaurants where you help yourself to a massive buffet including a live barbecue, then they weigh your plate and you pay por kilo.......usually about £1 to £1.50 for about half a kilo.......yumyum. Most of it in this area is quite recognizable.....from individual veg pots/rice/ beans/pasta to meats and fish to lasagne and canneloni, getting hungry now. (Just eaten)

..........On more interesting fronts, I think tennis club deal is ok.....the guy is coming over tomorrow and with Maria's help this time, we will progress the deal, but with the price to be negotiated by Uli later on. It's possible I can get the two bits for 5 or 10 grand (local currency!!) less than the 80 it was originally offered as one lump for ..........the remains of the courts and the building were offered together for 80,000 reais, thats UK 20 grand.....then the owner sold off the courts to a mate, so now I have to do two transactions to get the whole thing....unfortunately my previous completely unprepared for negotiation consisted of me trying to establish that I didn't intend to pay more than 80 for the two, but unfortunately I thought I was talking to the courts owner and I wasn't, it was the house owner, who had permission to negotiate for both bits, aaaaargh confused, you will be....this is in a foreign language I don't speak, with 3 minutes notice, and the two people who are doing the deal for me, Uli and Maria, away in Uruguay!!!!!
Considering which I did quite well......managed to get someone Brazilian to represent me and set a ceiling to the price negotiation.....Not bad in three minutes. However trying to get it cheaper would have been better. Oh, well, next time I buy a tennis club, I'll know the ropes

........BTW my comms may be a little sporadic as I can't get to the main house to send, but can send laptop to have stuff sent....possible may have internet connection here in my little house......very nice pad with full kitchen, living room/ diner, 2 bedrooms, kitchen porch and varanda with rockers....gonna ask for a hammock too......at the moment I use a plastic chair as a zimmer to get about, although got caught on hands and knees this morning!!! At least I still have my dignity.

hot off the press.....just had visit while writing from Leonardo, Doctor I met at lunch tother day, now my doctor I think!....things are simple here....gave me loads of advice and checked what the clinic had said and done and gave me a wheelchair, advised me on my fat legs I'd been getting lately, even while I was at Toby's, which it appears is due to the drug i've been taking for 6 years having bad reaction to hot weather .......( my doctors in Bath have been feeding me this crap thats been superceded about 3 times!)....when I thanked him he just said "any friend of Uli's" etc.

Hope all is well there ......let me know whats happnin..........
. ................lots of love to youse all, from Nashypernaquebrada (Nashybrokenleg)XXXXXX

Wrote this today to Hannah.....
.....Got pissed for first time since farewell party last nite.....didnt like it much nor next day!!
Just made fillet steak for lunch. About 2 quid a kilo. and thats the local spar (not actually)....ended up doing a turkey impression in there yesto.....don't worry, there was a reason.....she was asking light or normal ham, and then peru or something.....i wasn't bothered where it came from, but I had a vague idea that peru means turkey so to confirm it i had to do it. God made me. Go gobble gobble gobble to a Brasilian lady in a shop.

......hey you know airboats/swamp boats like in the everglades .....I'm checking out possibility of building them to run on the lagoons here, but instead of fucking great noisy petrol engines, to leave minimal ecological footprint, using Lynch motors like Ian Woody uses for getting trikes up hills....slowed down version, electric driven, near silent, with solar panels on the canopy and a fucking great prop that takes peoples heads clean offffff.blood spurt flesh grind rip rent asunder gush sorry. Just had a reply back from Lynch company re something already produced that might do it.hohohohohohohohoohohohohstop it.


I wrote this to steve rowcroft the other day....
".......ok i made a big mistake ....the place stinks, the women are ugly and think i'm a fat c#nt, the foods shite the beers tepid the lagoons stink, i'm bored shitless, the real estate is overpriced,over rated and worst of all its over here.....and the radio station called mpb fm just plays mpb all day and all fucking nite.....on fm.
........if it wasn't for the fact that i like all that so much, i'd be on the first fucking plane home......but i do.....so i'm not......
.......but ta for the farewell disco man.....tchou from lagoonboy XXXX"

wrote this to Murph today...
......I've enclosed bits of emails below and also address of blog which at the mo is similar ,,,,,however content will improve and their will be snaps by me shortly.....
.......ummmm well, since i saw you all last I've errr well, just bin here really. Staying with Uli and Maria and extended family in headfuck of a beautiful house estate I don't know what you call it....nobody ever let me in one before......i've obviously had self doubt stuff at times....do they all think i'm a c#nt really , idiot who cant speak properly....however Sonja the cook told me a few days ago they all think i'm marvelous so that really made a difference....my confidence blasting out gibberish in quasi Portuguese increaded 10 fold....poor bastards....that'll teach em.....startin to feel it flow a bit now ( language, not diaorrhea so far)....in fact it's really coming on....I think maria will be surprised when she gets back tuesday after a week in Uruguay......and I think Uli will shit when he gets back from europe in 2 months.
........oh and i've bought a tennis club.
......I thought I was buying a tennis racket. But it's not . It's a club.
......such a fine line , isn't there, between erm, one thing and something completely fucking else.
......I did think as we shook hands on the deal, it was quite a lot of money for a racket. But I just thought it was the language thing again. And in the end, I suppose it was.

.......anyway...it's a tennis club clubhouse.....with about half the courts, I mean half of each court so I'm pleased to say there'll be not the remotest chance of playing tennis. However, billiards is another matter.....y'see, there we are again....such a fine line , 2 completely different things........there is a full size pro billiard table in there.
So after I've ponced it all up into a dwelling.....(no Brasilian would even think of it) added a pool and bedrooms etc and a garden, I'll have an open plan 1500 square foot living room.....even bigger than the last one hahahahahaha.....with one or 2 mezzanines....oh y'know, the usual shit. .......its 2 minutes from the atlantic ocean beach, and 10 minutes from the lagoons.....which are mindfuckingly beautiful.....40 minutes from the stunning little town with a beach bar every few yards in season at least.
......everything about this place, from the people and on has been amazing
.....I wrote this to Izi the other day....
.....it has been weird though.....like why here for example....my answer is why not.....or it'll do.....or i'm tired this'll do.....or fuck me this place is as amazing as i need so it'll do....or i have support here that i trust so it'll do .....or really all the above and a few more....

......the tennis club is under "top offers" section on brasilinda.com ........this is Uli's site ......also on there is "Lindaguna" which i wrote the blurb for! ................look daddy, I'm an estate agent................so proud,,,,,proud

not sure where the pics end up with this blog lark but here are
clues to big google earth pic.......
condo mountain is Uli's mountain where he's putting a few ace discrete houses.....it's mind bogglingly beautiful
tennis club is ermmm that
uli's casa is where i am staying
small condo is his little complex by the lagoon where i'm gonna stay soon and is called Lindagoa on his brasilinda site
....the white thing across the bottom is a beach between saquarema and the ocean. you might have to look up the word "beach".

.....still trying to post pics....