I slung you a link a few weeks ago for the e-zine from my screenwriter and producer pal Phil Nutman.......
........hot off the press, well, the, erm, other, thing.....is the new edition.......
.........check it out.....it's written by people who can actually write, although Phil is an avid "Big in Brasil" fan too....makes a break from reading I guess......

" UP AGAINST THE WALL " Edition #3 is now live.....

http://www.upagainstthewallmag.com/ISSUE03/index.

Here is a picture, it's been around a bit as you can see, of me in a hammock with a drip full of rat poison being tended by the wonderful Polly MacDonald.

It's 1984 and my first trip to Brasil.....and my slight cramp is actually a DVT ( be warned....wear the little sockies.....)

Polly is working as an outreach worker for a small hospital in Ceres, Goias. It's the original hospital of the now (1985) many in the town and it's still the only one that offers (some) free treatment.

The (then) fascist government has legalised all the minor opposition parties, but not the big threatening ones like the Communist party. It's a divide and rule game, with all the small parties squabbling amongst each other, and getting nowhere. So there are several activists representing different minor parties working at the hospital with Polly.

So just in case you thought I would let the re-election of Presidente Lula pass without my ego getting involved, I'd like to add in my usual selfless way, that when Phil Shep hurled a ticket to Brasil at me and we came over for the first time in 1984/85, along with Polly, we initiated the making of a short film, scripted by local activists, the major contributors being members of the PT,(Workers Party), now Lula's ruling party.

It's a great little narrative film called "O Novo Brasil?" shot on Pro. Super 8 equipment.....our film workshop in Bath had the best production set-up in the country at the time......and features some amazing performances by local political activists. Their integrity (particularly in comparison to mine) always brings a tear to my eye.

The country was still in the grip of the fascist generals at the time, and we went to some lengths to cover ourselves, at one point acting the parts of eccentric English butterfly collectors a la John Cleese complete with silly walks. Personally, I would've preferred a bullet, but our guide insisted we brazen it out....

The film tells the story, in simple acted period sequences, of the attempt by the Vargas government of the 40's and 50's to populate the interior by offering incentives to the landless masses, starving in the drought ridden NorthEast and in poverty stricken Minas Gerais, to migrate to the jungles of Goias and make a new start. Nice idea Getulio.

Once (if) they made it, they would have to cut down, burn and clear the jungle, plant subsistence crops, and fend off disease and starvation until the first harvest. But all would be ok as they were ensured support from the Government in the form of tools and medical assistance, food supplies to get them through to first harvest, and the development of an infrastructure to enable them to market their valuable produce when the time came. Of course none of the promised support found its way to those in desperate need, as it was all soaked up en route by the corrupt local officials placed in charge of the operation, and great numbers of the pioneers and their families fell victim to disease and starvation.

At which point the middle men, the grain merchants, the bankers, even the doctors who had gotten rich on the spoils, flocked to buy up the fertile, ready cleared plots of land for peanuts. They then put the thousands of small plots together to make massive fazendas where they reared cattle.....for export only. I just love it when a plan comes together.

The movie was made in, and only exists in Portuguese. It was made for use in the land rights campaign in Goais, and was in fact used to open meetings and promote debate there in the mid eighties. In fact it promoted quite a lot of debate, and resulted in at least one person being driven out of town, so I was told on my next visit! The film has only been shown in the UK occasionally, and when I showed it here I added live commentary, though it never really needed it.

The end of the film, set in the (then 1985) present day shows an elderly father, a veteran of the Vargas debacle, and his adult son walking away from the camera towards the sunset. The son is saying that the Government is offering support and incentives to those who migrate to Rondonia to set up smallholdings in the jungle, in an attempt to populate the Amazon.

The father shakes his head and says ".....son, I think we'd do better to stick where we are.....I've a feeling I've heard this one before!"

Postscript One: We shot a scene where a family has struggled to the local hospital with their sick children. They exit with nothing but a prescription. The folk song playing over, an original of the period from Goias, explains how, as the family has no money, their only use for the prescription is to boil it up into soup and feed it to the dying kids.

Postscript Two: Ceres, the small town in the area where we made the film, is rich and prosperous to this day, full of grain merchants, banks and private hospitals.

Postscript Three: Ever wonder where all the rootless migrant workers, all the favela dwellers, all the prostitutes, thieves and drug dealers came from and how on earth they got themselves into that position......well now maybe you've got an idea about some of them.....

Postscript Four: If you know Phil Shepherd, hustle him to do a digital transfer......it really is a great little film, and deserves a viewing !! Hello Phil!

HURRAH!!!! LULA IS BACK IN!!!!!
After a landslide victory with over 60% of the vote, and beating his nearest rival by over 20%......Presidente Lula is back for another 4 years.....I love this guy!!
Even after carefully timed corruption scandals which cost him the first election a month ago, he only failed to reach the designated minimum 50% of the vote required to win by a couple of percent.....and now in the ensuing rematch he's pulled it off.
The scandals were promoted heavily by the right wing media here only days before the primary election......the right wing media here being all the media and nothing but.....TV, Radio and Newspapers are all owned by the same people of the same class. For no apparent reason, the middle and upper classes here live in fear of the poor (the workers) and protect themselves in any way deemed necessary, including ways that forever hold back one of the intrinsically richest countries in the world. Lula and his PT (Workers Party) threaten them to the very core.
At the time of his election four years ago he promised the country one basic thing.....that by the end of his four year Presidency everyone in the country would have three meals a day. And sure enough there is now a social fund for those out of work to receive a basic provisions allowance until an income is found.

I am starting a movement called "Lula for Prime Minister".....subtitle " Of the UK as well."......the UK really needs a leader who makes promises that need keeping, and then actually keeps them. Perhaps we should have a US branch too. Anywhere else you can think of that needs an honest leader ???

However even with such an apparent vote of confidence from the populace, things are not as simple as they seem, even in straightforward Brasil (hahaha)....below a slice from "The Moderate Voice" website....

" The "vote of confidence" was "a landslide victory [for] the former union leader whose first term was marked by a significant reduction of poverty and by corruption scandals that implicated some of his closest aides".
The BBC calls it "a resounding victory".But was it? Lula received less than 50% of the first-round vote. In the October 1 congressional elections, his party, the leftist Workers' Party, won only 15.0% of the vote for the Chamber of Deputies and only 19.2% of the vote for the Senate.
In terms of seats, it won only 83 of 513 in the Chamber of Deputies. And it won only two of the 27 contested Senate races (one-third of the seats were contested this year), bringing its total there to only 11 of 81.
In contrast, Alckmin's center-left Social Democracy Party won 65 seats in the Chamber of Deputies and five of the 27 contested Senate races, bringing its total there to 15.It's all quite confusing, though.
Brazil uses a List-Proportional Representation electoral system that allows for many different parties to be represented in the National Congress (roughly according to their share of the popular vote). In fact, 21 parties won at least one seat in the Chamber of Deputies, and 13 parties have at least one seat in the Senate. (Aside from the Workers' Party and the Social Democracy Party, the other leading parties are the centrist Democratic Movement Party and the center-right Liberal Front Party.)
Needless to say, coalition-building is imperative. Lula may have won the presidency by a wide margin in yesterday's vote, but the landscape in the legislature, where his own party is only one of many, is far less clear. "

I shall be running a surprise test on all this later on.

Given that there is a fast food chain named Spud-U-Like, I assume that there are also fast food outlets such as Spud-U-Quite-Like, Spud-U-Can't-Seem-To-Get-Enough-Of, and Spud-U-Meet-Fall-In-Love-Marry-And-Have-Kids-With.
By the same token, I presume there are shops called Insurance-Broker-U-Trust, or Estate-Agent-U-Believe-Implicitly.
So when I say that this week I have spent most of my time shopping at both Conniving-Property-Owner-U-Get-Lied-To-And Cheated-By and Norwegian-Fascist-Zealot-Loony-U-Get-Even-Your-Ancestors-Insulted-By, you can easily guess what kind of week I've had.

Uhhh ? you might well ask, understanding nothing from the above. You may even copy and paste it through Google Language Tools in an attempt to translate it. But this is a language you won't find in Google. Not yet, you won't.
This is a language called Frustrato. To learn it at beginners level you have to imagine everything that's nice and beautiful and perfect that you've ever experienced or dreamt or imagined laid out all nicely and beautifully and perfectly across a beautiful tranquil sunkissed rolling Devonshire hillside.

When you've comfortably pictured all that, you can add in the image of an Enormous Thundering Thousand Miles An Hour Fifty Times Normal Sized Thousand Foot High Screaming Gouging Banshee Nightmare Maniac Japanese Devil Bulldozer Chainsaw Faced Runaway To Hell Express Train Built From Thousand Year Old Sliming Reeking Sileage smashing headlong through it all and ripping it all to shreds.
And when the Behemoth has finally passed, and the grinding and smashing and rending and tearing is over, there is nothing left. Nothing at all. Just a resounding empty space.

This will teach you the language of Frustrato as a beginner, at least.
However, should you want to learn it at a more advanced level, you'll need to use one of these other, slightly more painful learning techniques known as either 1) "Trying to buy your Dream Home" or 2) "Dealing with Unsolicited Emails from Zealot Fascists".

Here are examples of these two methods. You will have to substitute with your own details as appropriate of course.
Learning Method 1)
The tennis club I thought I'd bought has had it's price bumped up. The original owner (Building Guy) now owns only the building, as he had sold the garden (ex courts) to someone else (Garden Guy), so that I would have to buy it as two units, one from each of them.
So then the price went up because Garden Guy wants more money apparently. And I decided, after swallowing more pride than I normally care to, that I would buy the two units for the bumped price, although I was well pissed at doing so. But it is after all my dream home. And it's not that much more....

So yesterday, we have an arranged meeting of all concerned parties. Except Garden Guy doesn't turn up, and we can't get him on the phone. Apparently he smells gringoes, and where there's gringoes there's gold. So he's apparently holding out for even more more money. So it looks like the deal is off as far as I'm concerned. I won't pay any more to be shafted....yes even I have, erm, well, one principal, apparently.
And I won't buy the building alone as it would be very dark and claustrophobic with no garden and walls all round.....as a fully integrated design concept, claustrophobia and open plan just don't work together for me......how about for you, Kevin?

So today, just now in fact, I'm told that Garden Guy is not actually bumping the price and that his problem is with Building Guy as he doesn't like his manner and he doesn't want to deal with him. So that means....ummm.
I have no idea what that means.
Is Building Guy bumping the price and blaming it on Garden Guy? Is Garden Guy bumping up the prices and making it look like it's Building Guy who makes it look like it's Garden Guy who makes it look like.....hang on that's not gonna work.....or is it? Maybe, or perhaps, or on the other hand not. Or not. It's rather up to me isn't it. Apparently not.

Learning Method 2)
Someone forwards my Blogsite address on to an old friend of theirs who they think might be interested as they have had connections with Brasil in the past, and might well find it amusing. I receive an email subject line "disgusting". Aaaah, I think, a humorous jape from a pal.
No, apparently not. The sender is neither humorous nor a pal. The sender informs me that he has no idea why he was sent my address by the friend, as he finds my site content disgusting. I also obviously have both feet in the gutter ( stupidly I have suggested on the site that I have only one foot in it! Optimistic fool that I am. ) and in addition my head is full of nothing but filth ( he doesn't say whose.)
I am somewhat taken aback. I review my site. And I reply that I consider the sender to be a very sick individual, and that he has my sympathy. Ok, I lied.
The next email is ferocious. He says that I am the lowest level of humanity, and that anything I say or do is shit. He even assumes I am American.Come on, even I'm not that evil!! He even insults my ancestors by deriving an insult from translating my surname. I can manage to insult my ancestors quite effectivel without using our surname, thanks very much! But the main problem he has is with the use of the word "fucking". And in particular, it seems, when it's used next to the word "church". I write back, fairly calmly and sympathetically.
And again a vociferous reply. And in fact he misuses the word fucking nearly as many times in two short emails as I correctly use it in my enormous blog (42 and 2 cunts....I checked out of interest!) And again I notice the reference to "fucking church" which I used to express my (mock) frustration at the prevalence of the church here in photographs of the area....I actually like the fucking church.....
At that point I realised that the guy was a religious zealot, had no brain operating other than his rational brain....never a very interesting brain at the best of times, and for the sake of my own health, it was better not to spend any more time digging through his dirt.....but it was interesting to meet basic fascism head on and watch the modus operandi unfold.....once they establish (for themselves) that you are subhuman, nothing you say or do has any bearing on their opinion of you, because they have already established that you are subhuman and have no worth at all. Other than the commercial value of your hair, gold teeth and body fat for rendering into soap, presumably.

So not a bundle of laughs this week all told. Not yer usual laff riot. But I wouldn't be your trusted reporter if I didn't tell it as I found it.
And after all, that's the kind of guarantee this network was founded on......
...........Well, That's All Folks!
Da-Da Da-Da Da-Da Da-Da Da Da Da Daaa-------
--------Da Da Da Da Da Daaaaaaa !!!!!

Well I hope you're ready for a visual feast.....yes, and you all
know by now what that means.....beaches, greenery, sun, sea etc.....and we haven't even got Hannah or the lovely Pedro to set off the foreground....I'm sorry but I'm doing what I can....
......anyway have you ever tried taking pics on one leg???? Plus you have to hobble to somewhere that you can reach to take them in the first place.....so I did.....and it's hard work I can tell you, solo, with one crutch and no cars or wheelchairs or assistants.....well at least we've moved on from me in a wheelchair with flyspray and a self timer.....I think.....
Anyway here we have Boqueirao, the area just near where I've been staying....a couple of minutes (normal) walk from Uli and Maria's house.
In the pic above, the light wall above the lagoon to the right in the distance is Marco and Ornella's house, the one with the amazing view, and to the left is what we call Johny's bar, actually called "Estacao Boqueirao"....Boqueirao Station...unfortunately there are no trains, unless you're drinking caipirinhas in which case there's pretty much anything you like.....

If you carry on ahead the other way you end up in Saquarema town, by the church, via a causeway or two across bits of lagoon.....it's a brilliant walk along the lagoons to the ocean......as far as I remember.....
Now I assure you, this is neither self interest nor advertising.......honest......just past Boqeirao Station and round the corner is Uli's small condo "Lindagoa" which I am attempting to sell for him online, my first venture into estate agenting.....and probably my last.....however having been a dodgy record dealer I should be well suited.....

......however although I'm marketing the property, until today I'd never actually been to see it, other than over the garden wall.....coincidentally my mum was in that film.....

.....no really, shot in Manchester in the forties, starring the very famous(who?) Norman Evans, who Les Dawson kindly copied his entire act from.....ahhh bless (I'm referring to the phrase, and film, "Over the Garden Wall" by the way.....) ......she got to say "rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb" whilst smoking a fag in a nightclub scene......errrrr were was I ......oh yeah, so above is a view down the garden towards the private lagoon beach......with some reeds......you can easily chop those down though....if you want..... ......and a view from the private beach over to Marco and Ornella's pad.....nice.....

So to continue with this blatant display of non self-interest and not at all advertising......oh here's the link for the property on the net http://www.viviun.com/AD-64494/
...just to display my realtoring skills of course......anyway above a pic of one of the houses....ok there's a few below as well but it's very nice there and it's well worth a look and .....


.....well it's got it's own beach and everything and you can't buy beach except you can on a lagoon......

Ok I'm sorry.....here we are a bit later on and the sun is setting and the light is nice and they're loading bicycles and people onto the boat that replaces the bridge that the mayor spent on a helicoptor.....nice sturdy long lasting aluminium boats they use here.....especially viewed in a photograph from a considerable distance....I hope Mister Cooper has made a note of that.....he let me buy him one on eBay without him seeing it first.....see how trustworthy we realtors can be.....how was I supposed to know aluminium corrodes in salt water.....it looked ok in the picture......from a considerable distance.......
.....anyway I expect many of you need cheering up by now, particularly Mr.Cooper......so here's a picturesque sunset view of the road I broke my leg walking to the shops along.....now I look again it's obviously fraught with perils for the unsuspecting gringo......but on that fateful day, aye, seven weeks ago today it was, as I live and breathe.....
.....actually, I'm really amazed to see that there's plaques there now to mark the spot.....must have fallen off my teeth when I banged my head on the wall on the way down, great big lumps of it....
A nice tree at sunset so you can't see it properly......
....and just to round things off a pic from the private beach at Lindagoa looking towards the distant, well fairly distant, well they could just be very small.....mountains....there, finished.....

Well I couldn't resist this one.....Bob Nudd from Pill, Bristol is not liked by everyone apparently.....two other locals on the piss last night left this message on his route to work where he would drive through it this morning, where it was spotted by our picture donor....you saw it here first.....
.....and back here in Brasil here is a picture of Maria taken by her husband Uli which hangs over my bed.....I did not put it there....I have the utmost respect for both them and their relationship.....anyway she's like a mother to me.....but fortunately not like mine.....

Here is Hannah yesterday afternoon displaying the appalling scars wrought by a gang of vicious drug crazed local thugs who attacked her with vines, leaves, grapes and small twirly things as she walked through the seemingly unthreatening seaside town of Saquarema. As a result she can no longer eat chocolate or lumps of fat or pigs or salt or pepper or eggs and will remain scarred for life.
Not content with this appalling behaviour these anti-social maniacs then proceeded to rob her of sixty pounds worth of the local currency (rrraoooollllshhh or something)....pronounced rrraoooollllshhh or something, and then, whilst forcing quantities of water down her, they proceeded to chant what appeared to be voodoo spells over her in the terrifying local dialect. The whole ordeal lasted over 3 1/2 hours during which time she amazed her crazed assailants by never once uttering a murmur of complaint or submission. Hurrah for Hannah!!

.........as if that wasn't enough, today she was attacked by yet another gang of addled drug maniacs who forced lethal paint onto her finger and toe nails and then attacked them with lumps of metal until they were nearly worn away......and then in similar fashion, the torture over, they robbed her of more of the local currency.....However the worst was yet to come....this bunch of maniacs disguised themselves as friends of hers for the attack......
......as a break from the preceeding horror stories of life in urban Brasil, I hark back to happier days, here with my friend Sonia......
anyway, break over.... back to the present, here I react with fury to the news that Hannah has been attacked and robbed twice in two days....and to add insult to admittedly unusual injury, it was my money that was taken.....though that's obviously a minor concern in this situation.....although it does mean going to the bank again, and it's not like the bus is free....I mean, yes it's cheap but......well you know......

......here's Hannah pictured at the bar in happier pre-attack days........probably dreaming of England's green and pleasant thingy.......yeah right......
.....and here's what I like to call "Fat Tart having a Kip"......I've included this provocative partly-clothed portrait for the gentleman from Parana, Brasil who logged onto this site after finding it ranked tenth on Google when searching the keywords "Brasil fucking"......get yer rocks off to this one baby.......eeeeuwwww, actually, please don't.....
....... here's Hannah at a beach bar at Saquarema town beach, just below the church, with first Boquierao and then further on Jacone beaches behind.....the sun is setting.....actually, it could be rising.....but it's not......
QUESTION: I'm indicating something in the background....what is it ??????......
OPTION ONE......is it that the tennis club I'm buying is 40 minutes walk along the beach behind me,
OPTION TWO......is it that when I get my beach buggy the tennis club is only 10 minutes drive along the beach behind me,
OPTION THREE.....is it that I've just said to Hannah that there may be better places to live in Brasil or even The World, but that there comes a point when somewhere ticks enough boxes for you that you go "this'll do....I don't really need it any better than this....."

TONIGHTS MAJOR PRIZE goes out to those of you who correctly chose OPTION THREE.

So here we are.....it's Saturday 14th October....and we're off, Hannah, Pedro and I, to Rio by the Sea'o......first stop the antiques area around Rua Lavradio, for a spot of very nice but fairly pricey mid century modern....some repro and some original.....very friendly and free triple strength coffee....oh and luxurious toilets according to Hannah.....I'm sort of half on crutches so I don't get to go to toilets.....

.....then onward to Copacabana beach, down Avenida Rainha Elizabeth where Rich Cooper and I borrowed an apartment in '87, with a view towards Copa beach one way and Ipanema beach the other.....how's that for a location!!! ....oh sorry, and then along Ipanema beach, then Leblon and past the mouth of the favela at Vidigal, which Rich and I were shown round in '87 and where about half of " City of God " was shot.....if you haven't seen the follow up TV series "City of Men" check it out......puts most TV worldwide to shame. Good old On the Video Front has it in Bath. (Hello Phil!!!). (....and Tone obviously.) So above is Hannah at a beach bar at Barra de Tijuca which is further out again.....now all high rises but 20 years ago barely anything higher than the odd 3 storey condo, one of which Rich and I stayed in back then.

Pedro dittoing. He drove for eleven hours solid this day and only broke down a couple of times. I hate to see a grown man cry. Hannah on the other hand quite likes it.
.....and some twat trying to get in on the act....there's always one, isn't there......all this one needs is a kiss-me-quick hat and a stick of rock and he'd be right at home in t'Blackpool.....oh and a left fibula that works.....
Hannah trying to hurl herself out of the car window at a Brasilian on a bike.....what on earth happens to women out here???

OK OK OK OK.....This is Pao de Acucar, the Sugarloaf with a cablecar en route in the distance.....don't forgot that by the magic of clicking you can make the photos bigger, or is it just it makes them come closer so they look bigger. I don't know. I don't.
.....see, same caption as the previous pic, but closer, or is it bigger? Or you can make it seem closer by making it bigger. Or the other way around. It's not the size that counts, but whether it's closer or not. Or bigger. Jenny Eclair said that all that stuff about size not mattering was crap....if all you can do is rub it around the edges, it's no earthly good to anyone. I'm not sure that we're not at cross purposes here. So I'll stop.
......this pic deserves blowing up.....that sounds weird I know....are we at cross purposes again I wonder. No, on reflection it's a photographic term meaning " to make bigger ", or an ordnance term meaning "to make very very small pieces of ". So, I don't know what any of this blogsite is about anymore. It's really become just holiday snaps of some twat and his lovely daughter ponceing about a third world country, with inane captions that don't make sense.
Sounds good to me. Let's get on......Pao de Acucar is in Urca, which is a very nice and safe area to live.....above is the view across the bay from Urca towards Botafogo and Flamengo.....nice marina too....but not quite so safe to live......
.....and talking of not quite so safe to live, here is Rocinha, Rio's biggest and dodgiest favela......I have to say that my visit to Vidigal in '87 was a very positive experience, but they do have their off days too! It's said that in the '90s the drug gangs just owned outlets in the favelas, but now they own the favelas themselves.....

......here a view of the ground level below the favela at Rocinha......
....and this is a pic I took as we ran away across the 12 mile long bridge across Guanabara bay to Niteroi and back to the Lagoons region and Saquarema where it's all safe and cuddly and snug....unless you go to the shops to buy a loaf of bread and it's been raining and you fall over even when you're being very very careful and very very observant and you've done walking about on your own before and everything and you fall over a completely flat pavement and break your fucking leg. This really can happen. Especially (apparently) when you get really pissed the night before on cans of Itaipava lager and you're judgement is impaired. (Apparently).
.......a difficult hair day in Guanabara Bay??? Hannah braves it with a smile....in fact she braves most things with a smile......
......but not the state of this Sharpei spotted in Saquarema on the scrounge....it's a 2 thousand pound dog in the UK but here is presumably thought to be worthless..... Hannah is aiming to kidnap it on her return here in a few weeks and probably kick the owners head in too.....Hurrah for Hannah!!

Just wanted to drop in a plug for my mate Andy Davis's
excellent
website,
where
you can read about the upcoming and long awaited Furry Freak Brothers movie being made in Bristol, which he and Leon are doing the music for.....I love it that good old Walcot (or what's left of it) has a hand in it (or is that up it). There's also some great stuff about him working with Lennon and some far out genuine freak stories. There's also a link to the pilot for the movie which is brilliant. Can't wait to see more. Nice one And'.

http://www.andrewcresswelldavis.com/index.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YINWUjFQRDU

As for life here in Brasil, Hannah and I went to Johny's bar around the corner on the edge of the lagoon last night and had a great prawn risotto and about five litres of lager......fantastic top restaurant service and food to match.....cost about a tenner. What a rip.
Hannah befriended a tall thin loony wearing a thong and a t-shirt with LSD written in large letters on the back. Pounds, shillings and pence.....what's that all about?? She caught his eye near the end of the evening and he went "aaaaaaaaaarrrrhhhhhh" at her and indicated 5 minutes with his hand (obviously), and then just before leaving went into a diatribe about Madonna adopting African kids and then presented her with a large drawing of a woman which he'd obviously done. Just another night on the lagoon.