Given that there is a fast food chain named Spud-U-Like, I assume that there are also fast food outlets such as Spud-U-Quite-Like, Spud-U-Can't-Seem-To-Get-Enough-Of, and Spud-U-Meet-Fall-In-Love-Marry-And-Have-Kids-With.
By the same token, I presume there are shops called Insurance-Broker-U-Trust, or Estate-Agent-U-Believe-Implicitly.
So when I say that this week I have spent most of my time shopping at both Conniving-Property-Owner-U-Get-Lied-To-And Cheated-By and Norwegian-Fascist-Zealot-Loony-U-Get-Even-Your-Ancestors-Insulted-By, you can easily guess what kind of week I've had.

Uhhh ? you might well ask, understanding nothing from the above. You may even copy and paste it through Google Language Tools in an attempt to translate it. But this is a language you won't find in Google. Not yet, you won't.
This is a language called Frustrato. To learn it at beginners level you have to imagine everything that's nice and beautiful and perfect that you've ever experienced or dreamt or imagined laid out all nicely and beautifully and perfectly across a beautiful tranquil sunkissed rolling Devonshire hillside.

When you've comfortably pictured all that, you can add in the image of an Enormous Thundering Thousand Miles An Hour Fifty Times Normal Sized Thousand Foot High Screaming Gouging Banshee Nightmare Maniac Japanese Devil Bulldozer Chainsaw Faced Runaway To Hell Express Train Built From Thousand Year Old Sliming Reeking Sileage smashing headlong through it all and ripping it all to shreds.
And when the Behemoth has finally passed, and the grinding and smashing and rending and tearing is over, there is nothing left. Nothing at all. Just a resounding empty space.

This will teach you the language of Frustrato as a beginner, at least.
However, should you want to learn it at a more advanced level, you'll need to use one of these other, slightly more painful learning techniques known as either 1) "Trying to buy your Dream Home" or 2) "Dealing with Unsolicited Emails from Zealot Fascists".

Here are examples of these two methods. You will have to substitute with your own details as appropriate of course.
Learning Method 1)
The tennis club I thought I'd bought has had it's price bumped up. The original owner (Building Guy) now owns only the building, as he had sold the garden (ex courts) to someone else (Garden Guy), so that I would have to buy it as two units, one from each of them.
So then the price went up because Garden Guy wants more money apparently. And I decided, after swallowing more pride than I normally care to, that I would buy the two units for the bumped price, although I was well pissed at doing so. But it is after all my dream home. And it's not that much more....

So yesterday, we have an arranged meeting of all concerned parties. Except Garden Guy doesn't turn up, and we can't get him on the phone. Apparently he smells gringoes, and where there's gringoes there's gold. So he's apparently holding out for even more more money. So it looks like the deal is off as far as I'm concerned. I won't pay any more to be shafted....yes even I have, erm, well, one principal, apparently.
And I won't buy the building alone as it would be very dark and claustrophobic with no garden and walls all round.....as a fully integrated design concept, claustrophobia and open plan just don't work together for me......how about for you, Kevin?

So today, just now in fact, I'm told that Garden Guy is not actually bumping the price and that his problem is with Building Guy as he doesn't like his manner and he doesn't want to deal with him. So that means....ummm.
I have no idea what that means.
Is Building Guy bumping the price and blaming it on Garden Guy? Is Garden Guy bumping up the prices and making it look like it's Building Guy who makes it look like it's Garden Guy who makes it look like.....hang on that's not gonna work.....or is it? Maybe, or perhaps, or on the other hand not. Or not. It's rather up to me isn't it. Apparently not.

Learning Method 2)
Someone forwards my Blogsite address on to an old friend of theirs who they think might be interested as they have had connections with Brasil in the past, and might well find it amusing. I receive an email subject line "disgusting". Aaaah, I think, a humorous jape from a pal.
No, apparently not. The sender is neither humorous nor a pal. The sender informs me that he has no idea why he was sent my address by the friend, as he finds my site content disgusting. I also obviously have both feet in the gutter ( stupidly I have suggested on the site that I have only one foot in it! Optimistic fool that I am. ) and in addition my head is full of nothing but filth ( he doesn't say whose.)
I am somewhat taken aback. I review my site. And I reply that I consider the sender to be a very sick individual, and that he has my sympathy. Ok, I lied.
The next email is ferocious. He says that I am the lowest level of humanity, and that anything I say or do is shit. He even assumes I am American.Come on, even I'm not that evil!! He even insults my ancestors by deriving an insult from translating my surname. I can manage to insult my ancestors quite effectivel without using our surname, thanks very much! But the main problem he has is with the use of the word "fucking". And in particular, it seems, when it's used next to the word "church". I write back, fairly calmly and sympathetically.
And again a vociferous reply. And in fact he misuses the word fucking nearly as many times in two short emails as I correctly use it in my enormous blog (42 and 2 cunts....I checked out of interest!) And again I notice the reference to "fucking church" which I used to express my (mock) frustration at the prevalence of the church here in photographs of the area....I actually like the fucking church.....
At that point I realised that the guy was a religious zealot, had no brain operating other than his rational brain....never a very interesting brain at the best of times, and for the sake of my own health, it was better not to spend any more time digging through his dirt.....but it was interesting to meet basic fascism head on and watch the modus operandi unfold.....once they establish (for themselves) that you are subhuman, nothing you say or do has any bearing on their opinion of you, because they have already established that you are subhuman and have no worth at all. Other than the commercial value of your hair, gold teeth and body fat for rendering into soap, presumably.

So not a bundle of laughs this week all told. Not yer usual laff riot. But I wouldn't be your trusted reporter if I didn't tell it as I found it.
And after all, that's the kind of guarantee this network was founded on......
...........Well, That's All Folks!
Da-Da Da-Da Da-Da Da-Da Da Da Da Daaa-------
--------Da Da Da Da Da Daaaaaaa !!!!!