........I admit I don't understand milk in feet either.....it's not that I'm awkward or non european-ist, I just don't have a real sense of it.....a metre is still about a yard and a litre is about 2 pints and a loaf of bread is about a diabetic day and a half if you stay in.
.......A foot is about 30 centimetres and a hectare is.....well when I was looking at a property of 9 acres a while back I found out that an acre is half a hectare, but then I wondered where that got me....what's 9 acres??.....I realised it was to me a big lump as opposed to a small or very small lump.
........You can do football pitches I suppose but I've only ever seen one for long enough to recognise it and switch channels, usually to something equally appalling like darts, or crochet, (or a programme on record collecting). So I was left with the realisation that the way I assessed a property's size and value was based on it's level of more or less undefined lumpness. Small, big, bigger.
Does anyone really know how big things are beyond a certain point? Would you be able to nip out for enough cups of sugar for the year if it didn't come in a cup?? If petrol tanks didn't have a hole at the top to overflow, would you know when you'd filled a tankful?? Would you really be able to buy enough string or hosepipe if it didn't say how much there was on the roll??
Cement? I'll have six please. Six what? Six s'worths please. Walls'worths? Patios'worths? And even though it comes in sacks, how d'you know how many you ought to want if you knew what you were doing?
When I was buying books for my ill fated boat, I knew I wanted good quality hardbacks, I knew I wanted a wide range of subjects, but how many did I want. Easy, I measured the shelf space, times it by number of cabins, added saloon shelfage, and ordered 76 feet of hardbacks please. Hugh the bookdealer never batted an eye....must happen every day serving people who don't actually read.
......My shop door had a sign on it that famously said "Back in 5 ".........people were forever hassling me about being more than 5 minutes ( often an hour or two) ......" 5 what?" I would reply," It doesn't specify 5 what. Could be 5 swimming pools or 5 cake."
Funnily enough I closed down earlier this year. No business.
So also today as well as weather, we had........replying to a friend who enquired re. tennis club purchase progress, and whether I would like the latest John Martyn CD Box set for Xmas......
I'm proud to say I've negotiated the whole package, well, on the uderstanding that I buy 2 independent packages and guarantee that at no time during transaction does Garden Guy have to be in same room (town?) as Building Guy......
........not sure why he hates him so much, apart from he manages to combine being both a c*** and a lying c*** at one and the same time with great ease.
........ I think it has to do with Building Guy knocking down the half of the roof and wall of the barbie which were on Garden Guy's side of the border, leaving a freestanding Auschwitz type chimney, and the end bit of the concrete barbie bench and table sticking out over the line......which will need cutting off when I build the dividing wall......if I build the dividing wall....shit, we have to negotiate that next.......
Elvis day ( forthcoming Sunday at the Bell) sounds good....I started singing Elv songs here in house when stuck in with leg, looked up lyrics to my faves, then moved on to Righteous Bros and then all the Doors songs.....
.......after a bit I thought I need a bit of echo, so grabbed empty thermos flask as I thought it would have mini bathroom acoustics......fantastic, and you can move it around to vary effect.....also acts as air microphone.....no really, do try it....it's a mini echo chamber......( and you must also have looked very, very cool indeed. -ED.)
As for John Martin......is that the box set that includes an extras bonus cd including the track of him vomiting brandy and cocaine ******** as he beats out a mesmerising rhythm using his amputated leg as a drum stick upon his customised Roland drum-synth-in-the-style-of-a-well stocked bar......that one has to be my favorite, and all done in the vocal and guitar style of Nick Drake which has made John so bankable over the years.......oh John, how do you think em up??
So that's a "yes please" then..... ( to the gift -ED)
Lots of love from Nashface the Lagoon XXXX
...written in state of panic to my daughter Hannah.....
COME QUICK....ONLY ONE TEABAG LEFT!!!! ( PLUS ONE IN THE CUP )
180 DIVIDED BY 6 NASHER WEEKS PLUS 2 HANNAH WEEKS
180 8 ÷
--------------------------22.5 = PER WEEK
7 ÷
--------------------------3.214285714285714
= AVERAGE USAGE 3.21 PER DAY.
DON'T REMEMBER THE .214285714285714 BIT BUT COMPUTERS NEVER LIE.
LOTS OF LOVE FROM ME AND MY NEW CALCULATOR!!
you are jusyt the most extraordinary gretat big fairy cake ive had all my whole life and would eat it sat pudding or breks and i'm diabetic i dont care eat you all up and then live in the fridge til dindins then out you come and start allover and when i have a car i take you in it everywhereandn we have fun and buy ices and seaside jumpy up and down in waves and later on the swings and then surfing like tarzan but seaside and everything is bbbbbbrillliant like the telly we watch and have fun and jokes....and later older on were nurses and i'm a doctor and your sick and i mend with a stethyscoat and prridge and brown papie.....and now my turn we do coronation road and I be betty driveway and your the stupid boy but clever and you hit me with your mummys head and spitting and brilliant and then another with policemen and Bill comes and we make a jokey How Much then and hes said no not Bill, I am Bill....hello bill no not a Bill man but a bill copp shopp...hahahahhhaa we go all to the banky......talking of who is it??? Knock?Me? Bankwho? Banknote hahahahhahaa another doctor whos got one he has who...doctor hahahahahwho? Hurrah for queenie shiplaunch sliding dowwn the way and off to Spaide or Portumgola in .....very nice withall sunni and spades and flowers for you and your all happy in buckets and then we re off any where.......love yooooooo Alexi Snayle from Paul Nashface
