HURRAH FOR THIS REALLY IS THE UP TO THE MINUTE REPORT....PHOTOS TAKEN ONLY MINUTES AGO.
HURRAH!
Oh also I'd like to say goodbye to Jacquie who worked at the Bell from time to time, ( when it suited them!) and who died a few days ago...thanks to Colin Gnome for letting me know.
Me and Jacq had a strange relationship....for quite some time she was my stalker....I remember after the first Walcot Booze Selling Day she stealthily intercepted me on my route home at about three in the morning needing help with a broken heel ( shoe only!)....I suggested my sellotape would not be up to the job.... sellotape = euphemism for willy?
I then made a run for it.
The stalking continued but eventually we turned it into a joke and we became mates, albeit a little cautiously on my part.....part = euphemism for willy?
So goodbye mate...see you shortly!!!


Lao hiding in my bathroom earlier today.....
but my surveillance cameras tell the tale...


Eucalyptus.....
Mmmmmm.....
And if you've got the sniffles, just stuff
one of these logs up yer pillow when you
go to bed at night.
Doesn't do much for your nose, but certainly
impresses your partner no end....


Pool in rain.
These most recent photos are as shot....ie not adjusted so you can see how Saquarema has turned into Manchester the last week, just in time for Carnaval, which madness starts on Saturday, a couple of weeks early this year as this year Jesus got born two weeks early....
Do you understand this ??
I don't.
Anyway, continuous rain, not always heavy, and grey and cold for here.
That is, not very!!
Cold.
Ooooh, just looked out of door and it's brightening....and oooh it's 77 degrees.
Manchester no more.
Bathgate no more.
Linwood no more.
Methil no more.
Irvine no more.

Bless you Buddy Hollys.


Just needs balustrades and bob's yer unc.
Oh and lights and sockets and etc etc etc.

HURRAH FOR UP TO THE MINUTE PROGRESS REPORTS.
THIS ISN'T IT THOUGH.
THIS IS YESTERDAYS.


The frame for the shady terrace comes along in leaps and bounds....
using eucalyptus logs and stuff.
The shade will be provided by great big palm fronds.
Some of my best fronds will be up there.


For some reason I've built a railway station.
Chicken Town.
You fucking wait and fucking wait....
The fucking trains are fucking late...
You fucking wait and fucking wait...
In fucking chicken town.

Bless you JC Clarke.


In my wet room
With black tiling...
It never drained properly so we're erecting a small wall.

Bless you Pete Brown...shared a floor with him once !


Hear my drain a-coming....
It works...water comes out da end....

Bless you Jimi.

HURRAH FOR GUTTERING!
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE IT GOOD OLD GUTTERING!
THE SMELL OF SOLVENT, THE ROAR OF NAILS.
THE CLICK OF SNIPPING, THE PRIDE OF WALES.
HURRAH FOR GUTTERING!
EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS APPEALING!
ON THE FLOOR OR ROOF OR EVEN ON THE CEILING!
SO LET'S GET ON WITH THE UHHHH....GUTTERING INSTALLATION THEN!
OK, LETS.....


Lao installing the....I'm afraid to type it....


And again...keep it stum....


Fuck, not more....
Oh thank dee Lord, in the background we see the steadily advancing shady nook roof terrace above the quaint guest house with eyebrows....nearly clear, now runnnnnn....


I was very drunk.
And I sort of made some new friends.
Well I made them be.
And I appear to be scaring off opponents.
Or I'm just very happy.
I don't know do I.
It wasn't me alright.
And why is there a big wet patch on my t-shirt?
And who am I asking?
And why don't they know?

HURRAH! WE'RE OFF TO MOMBASSA AT THE BACK OF THE LAGOONS TO LOOK AT PALMS TO BUY FOR THE GARDEN.
HURRAH!


Here's Filho.
He's driving the lovely car.


Here's Lao.
A rare shot of him not working.
Or playing football.
Or drunk.
( The drunk bit is a joke except on Sundays after the match.)


A lovely windpump.


A lovely road and a lovely tree.
And some other more nondescript trees.
But still lovely in their own nondescript sort of way.
Nondescript and just a little bit pathetic kind of a way.
With barely a stroke of individuality discernable amongst them.
Bastards.
What if all trees were as faceless...where would we be then eh?
Nobody would know would they....
They'd all breed and breed and all look exactly the same.
Everyone could be anywhere.
People lost without trace in massive faceless forests all over the world.
Massive faceless forests full of masses of lost traceless people.
Traceless, faceless people, with not a jot of individuality to distinguish one from another.
Bastards.
And then where would we be??
Massive unending masses of faceless faithless people blindly bludgeoning their pointless way through massive unending forests massed with faceless pathetic nondescript bloody trees. And what are they covered in?
Bloody leaves.
Are any of them tartan?
Any of them polka dots with candy pink metal finishes?
Any trace of gold leaf?
Diagonal striping?
Tassles?
Tiny throw cushions?
Are they bollocks my cock you fuck you not there are......
FUCKING GREEN.
FUCKING GREEN THE LOT OF THEM.
Bastards.
Eh?
Eh?
Eh?

HURRAH! MY GARDEN AND GROUNDS AND EVERYTHING ARE COMPLETELY FLOODED!
HURRAH!


The guest house and access to it.....marvelous. What pratt designed this then??
Oh, it was me......
Actually it drains as soon as the rain stops. Honest.


Change the subject quick.
Look, a owl!


Palms we looked at in Mombassa when on buying palms for the garden trip last week.


An impressionist view of the street where is the bar what we went to as described below here.
I thought the bloke who painted it said he lived in a van and his name was Dave Gough, but he couldn't hear me very well, and he actually said he lived in a Dive and his name was Van Gough. No that can't be it. His name was Dave and his van's name was Gough. Dave's van Gough. Nope. Not getting this. I was very drunk.
Anyway, s'nice innit.

HURRAH! A FABULOUS NIGHT OUT AND SOME NEW FRIENDS....
This is starting to sound extremely camp.


I got invited out t'other saturday night by some friends ( it does happen....)
to a recently expanded bar/ rezzy in Saquarema right by the bridge over the waterway between the Ocean and the lagoons....an idyllic spot.
Some friends of some of the friends were playing in the open there that night.
They were hot, but the night was not.
It pissed down so we retreated inside, where I got talking to Sonia, wife of Jean the guitarist/vocalist, and later to Jean his-self. Really nice people. They invited me to jam with them, and drunk as I was, I accepted.
Next day when I'd sobered up I shit myself.
We shall see what happens. Hopefully I'll have some kind o finger related accident in the meantime.
Might be best for all concerned.


Here you can see Lao dealing with the results of two weeks of me tending the pool on my own. He's actually hoovering. I thought it sounded a bit dangerous, but he assures me it's dddzzzzzzzzzzt what was that?


Filho hoovering the grass for some reason....I thought it sounded a bit dangerous, but he assures me it's dddzzzzzzzzzzt what was that?


Sonia tinkering with the electronic equipment in the wardrobe.....I thought it sounded a bit dangerous, but she assures me it's dddzzzzzzzzzzt what was that?
Just can't seem to keep the staff these days.

HURRAH! HERE IS MY HOUSE ALL SUNNY
WITH IT'S FULLY OPENING CANTILEVERED
DOORS AND WINDOWS.
HURRAH!


Open plan.
Just as I planned it.
Open.


More open-ness.
In one side and out the other.
That's what they used to say about my head at school.
How right they all were.
Just look where I ended up.
Actually, my charming mother was called in to see the headmaster
in my last days at the Stockport shit-hole I was forced into, and said she'd sent him an above average eleven year old and he'd sent her back a fifteen year old moron!
This is the fantastic level of support I received from family and teachers in my formative years.
Thank fuck for shit loads of drugs and booze and rock'n'roll and occasional glimpses of sex.
Look, over there, on that hill, I can glimpse some sex....


The typical open plan living room and kitchen of a grown
up fifteen year old moron.


The typical open plan dining, lounging and ummm living areas of a grown up fifteen year old moron.
Oooooh look over there, beyond those palm trees, another glimpse of yes, it is, it's a glimpse of some more sex.....
I bless my education.

HURRAH! CLEANING THE FLOOR WITH A HOSEPIPE!
GREAT FUN ON A HOT DAY!


Sonia loves this job.....she won't let me do it!!!!!!!
(To be honest I've never actually asked....)


My new fully opening cantilever door falls off....
Revealing the fact that it's secured into a gap of nothingness....hollow bricks! There's nothing in them! They're hollow!
The wind caught it and bang!
Bugger fell orfff!
Here you can see loads of nails and iron wire added to reinforce the new replacement concrete....my suggestion....sometimes I do understand what's going on around me!!
Sometimes!


Here I am having an inkling of what's going on around me.
I'm inkling in the pool.


More inkling.
My estates.

HURRAH! MY NEW WATER TANK BURST OUT OF THE GROUND AT THE FIRST SIGN OF HEAVY RAIN, AND NOW HAS TO BE REIGNED IN!
Please note the two uses of a word that sounds the same. Even though it is spelled differently. And yet the meanings are different. But the pronunciation is the same. Both times. And in every way. Different.


Brick cladding goes in to isolate the hole from the surrounding earth.


The rebated marble sills go into the doorways..
Therein hangs a tale of woe and twattishness.
It finally took over seven weeks to get 9 pieces of marble delivered.
My fault of course.
I made the unforgiveable mistake of paying up front.
I didn't want them to deliver and catch me without cash as I have to travel quite a distance to get any.
So I paid the whole amount in advance.
Big mistake.
Only ever pay a deposit or less!
We phoned them dozens of time.
The stuff arrived in dribs and drabs.
And the last piece, for my bedroom doorway arrived 7 weeks and one day after I ordered.
And paid.
What they don't factor in is that I will never ever go there again, and will actively dissuade others from using them.
I have a black list!!!
Not all suppliers are like this here, some are excellent, but some are not!


More paths, this time for little cars....


Uh oh.
New problem. Need guttering along new verandah.

HURRAH! MY ORANGE TREES ARE GROWING BIGGER!


Here they are....the lighter upper leaves are the new growth since planting in August....come on my babbers....I'm fucking broke....


Mother and day old foal grazing amongst the orange groves....rustic innit?!
Ok....the mother is grazing and the foal is drinking it's mummie's milk.
No need for pedanticismisticness is there?


Talking of which...some of the disenfranchised youth I
work with having an orange squash by the pool before
another gruelling jobseeking session.


Looks like they've finally found employment....
Where's me bling????